A Year Ago, Today.

-
        Tonight I rocked Samuel into a deep sleep until every chubby finger had stopped rubbing his hair and blankie. I heard sweet baby snores and memorized every detail of his precious face, because you see...tomorrow he turns one. I took it all in knowing that this would be the last night I held him while he was 0 ever again. I am overwhelmed by this past year and all that it has meant to me. How could one year be SO meaningful? I know my heart has grown at least two sizes to contain all the love having a son causes. I am changed forever by what happened one year ago.

A year ago, today....
                              I was in labor.
A year ago today...
                              I had just come out of one of the hardest times of my life when I was sicker than I have ever been or hope to be when I was hospitalized with salmanilla. I had only been home one full day.

A year ago today...
                              I had no idea what tomorrow would mean to me. I had no idea the love I would feel, the strength of heart I would have, and the miracle I was going to whitness. I had no idea my son would be BLONDE or that he would have blue eyes. :)

A year ago today...
                          I was in a LOT of pain. ;) and I am happy that tonight I am not going to be in labor all night long wondering when to actually go to the hospital. This was the beginning of an almost two week insomnia I had. I did not realize how much my family and friends were about to help me so much in the first two weeks of Samuel's life. I did not realize how much I would feel the presence of God through it all. He was right there beside me, I heard him speaking in every moment.

A year ago today...
                         I was a completely different person. A person who previously had woken up to only get myself ready and slept in on Saturdays. A person who could just go to the movies, hit the gym, or go out to dinner with friends on a whim...a person with freedom. But you see, this time last year I had no idea how much I would lose my freedom AND I had no idea how much I would never want it back! He is so worth it! I love the fact I have to think about him in every detail of my life. I wouldn't have it any other way. Those who know me best know I can be a little overboard about it. ;) I HATE being away from my Samuel!

A year ago today...
                          I had a senitmental moment thinking about how tomorrow my son would never be in my tummy again and I would never get to hog him all to myself. I would have to share. I would have to let him grow up. I would have to trust God even more.

Today...
                            Because of Samuel and the way that I have seen God's hand on his life I can truly say I have never trusted God more.

Thank you Lord, for this gift that I do not deserve. Thank you for his chubby fingers that rub my cheek and for his soft hair that he lets me run my fingers through every single day. Thank you for his big blue eyes that look at me full of love. Thank you for these memories and moments that I will never forget. Thank you for choosing me, for some crazy reason, to be Samuel's mom. I often wonder, "why me?". Why do I get to be the one who holds this treasure as my own? Help me to do your will as his mother and to not try to do my own will with him. Help me in the hard moments to remember what a gift every second is. And Please Lord...Could you make the days go slower? thanks! ;)

Comments

  1. Julie D.August 7, 2012 at 6:25 PM

    Beautiful post Molly! Enjoy every second it truly goes so very fast. Have fun celebrating your Samuel's first birthday.

    ReplyDelete
  2. KateAugust 7, 2012 at 8:00 PM

    aww this post was so sweet!!!!! love that little boy and love you!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Change

-
*Note: I only write these at obscure hours or like today in the middle of listening to baby einstein and stopping for spit up clean ups and every other little thing you can imagine babies might need, so please excuse me if there are run on sentences, grammar mistakes etc! :) One post takes me like 1,000 stops and starts haha! I am not trying to write a book, just thoughts as jumbled as they may be! *       A lot of times in life there is something on my mind that I think is "too small" to talk much to God about. If I am spending time in intercession, shouldn't I pray for something BIG? These "small" things tend to be like a hang nail though, something that hurts and I can't get off my mind. Stuff that affects me every single moment and that is on the top of my mind. I had a rare chance to sit before the Lord and worship by myself two days ago and had a wonderful moment hearing from Jesus. I turned on my apple tv youtube and listened to Hillsong for a brief
Read more

Realizations

-
The Lord has brought me into the intro internship at the perfect timing! Not only has it given me immediate friends that are believers from all stages of life, but has already transformed the way I used to interact with God. I've always known salvation is not works based, but so many times I've known that in my head, but not lived it out in my heart. I tried to be a good church girl, someone God could really be pleased with and when I messed up (which was everyday in one way or another) I would feel too ashamed to run to him wholeheartedly. I thought ok I need to go read my Bible or do a good deed really quick before I try to really talk to the Lord. Then I could feel ok to come into his presence, because then he could be happy with me. The truth is my most righteous moment is as filthy rags to the Holy Lord God Almighty! We not only have salvation by grace, but his delight over us is also by grace! He literally looks down at me during my worst moment with the same love and del
Read more
-
I have seriously been trying to write a blog for almost a month now and I can never seem to find a time. I love facebook and the fact it takes me under a minute to post a pic and say whats going on in our life that day. Blogging is another story.
Read more