Where My Thoughts Go Lately
Lately, the same things keep coming to my thoughts when I am not willing them to go a certain way. It all starts with Luke 8:26 and the story of the man who was living by himself naked in a cemetery, unable to be contained by shackles and living a life in isolated darkness. This man lived among caves beside the Sea of Galilee that I had the honor to be able to see with my own eyes last year on my trip there. That spot truck a deep chord in me as I saw it as the spot where a man that everyone feared, ran from, and were repulsed by was sought out, seen, freed, and connected with by Jesus. That man had not truly been seen by anyone in years and his own voice and self had been taken over by demons, enough to fill up an entire herd of pigs. Jesus went out of his way to go to the man that no one else wanted to be around, he truly saw this man that desired freedom and connection. He was healed, freed, and sent back to his family and friends to tell of the wonders Jesus had done. He connected with Jesus and this lead to more connections with loved ones he had been isolated from for so long. Jesus takes loneliness, turns it into deep connection that brings healing and the healing leads to more meaningful connection and deeper relationships! It is a snowball effect of sorts. One I want to ride for the rest of my life.
Jesus notices the isolated, tormented, uncontrollable, writhing people and he walks up to them unafraid on a mission to meet them where they are at, connect on a deep level and set them free to be who they are without the shadow of darkness. This is repeated in his life multiple times. He goes to the people deemed unworthy, unstable, corrupted, and living in dark places and touches them. Even those seen as unclean by disease he uses his hand to touch. These are extreme cases of Jesus going out of his way for those that others ran from, but it makes me wonder what are these situations for me in my life and my family's life where we need to step out of our comfort zone toward someone that needs to be noticed and cared for. How do we teach our children this? What does it look like in our lives today?
One thing Logan and I have both felt strongly called to has been children who have experienced abuse and neglect and have been through trauma. I believe that the church as a whole has a part to play in this, but it looks different for everyone. There is no arguing that Jesus cares for these children, but there is a lot of argument about how to go about it all. The church celebrates fostering and adoption, but few go into the trenches and see what it really means. Christian families that go into this are seen as strong and even "holy", but going into this world means we face brokenness head on and it is not a Hallmark movie, not even close. If we are called to help those from hard places it means in the least, our kids will be around cuss words and behaviors that are abnormal to what is seen in a home without trauma. I have had to explain words not to say that they wouldn't have heard anywhere else and teach them lessons that go beyond our comfort bubble of the innocent Bloom house. It is important to maintain safety, but at the same time I have had to reconcile that having this calling means that I cannot bubble wrap my children and they will see and hear things that I would not have normally had them see or hear. We have run into this already, because I do keep us involved with children in foster care, even when we are not an open home. I have a call to my bio children and part of that is keeping them safe and I do work hard in making their childhood a place of innocence and safety, but also, I feel lead to teach them how to navigate being with others that come from different backgrounds and situations than them starting at an early age. There are no resources out there for parents to read about this that I have found. There are no seminars or small groups talking about it. It is in the Christian circles that I hear the advice to isolate most and it makes me wonder, what does this look like? How do I navigate this?
One thing that happens when my kids get around children from trauma is that they'll become a target of being lashed out at when a traumatized child has a trigger. Wether its a family event where they are missing their mom, or a toy they do not want to share, because of their lack of control and wanting to be able to control, my kids have been the target of anger. I am a very involved part of the process and do not just let it go unsupervised, but in this process my kids have learned SO much and have been able to begin to put themselves into other people's shoes. They have learned empathy and also I have seen them not let comments stick, because they can see behind the comment. I am trying to teach them how aggression is usually not personal and that the words that are said in strong negative emotions are not meant to be taken as truth. I remember a specific time that a kid was upset and turned it toward Samuel. "I hate you! I hate you!" came out of his mouth and my heart broke as I saw my sons eyes wide and mouth open in heartache. I spent time talking to him and hugging him and explaining how that child can't see his family right now and that he feels very sad, scared, and is jealous that you have your mom here with you right now. He doesn't really hate you, he did not really mean that. Samuel thoughtfully said: "I am not hated, he is my friend and he likes me. We play together all the time! I think he is sad and scared, mom." He went on to tell that little boy that he forgave him and wanted to be his friend still.
I did not make him, I want it to be his idea, but I am finding that if I nudge my kids in a direction of reconciliation and connection when they have been offended that they have desired to move in that direction when they see the situation through the other child's eyes. People tend to downplay what kids are capable of, but I have a strong sense that they are capable of much more than we realize. I want to be a good steward of being here as their safe haven, but I want to gently help them to grow beyond our comfort zone life to see others in need and show kindness in radical ways. In all of this, my relationship with my children grows deeper in connection as we process these emotions together on the level they can handle them. I believe we are given much, so that we can give much.
This is just musings about where my thoughts go lately. I still have a million questions about what it looks like to navigate all of this. I pray so much asking Jesus to lead me and show me the boundaries of where to step out of our comfort zones and where to build safe boundaries. My instinct is to keep my kids bubble wrapped and isolated from the darkness of this world, but the leading of my heart is to step out, but with gentle leading and safety of me there navigating it all with them and taking note if something is too much for them. I see kindness rise up from their soul, I see them desire to step out and connect when I take these "risks" to love the ones that are from hard places and bring my family into it. But we need to navigate it well and get more conversations that are open and honest to be able to navigate it.
Hard places mean hard behaviors many times, but what I have also seen is that when people with hard behaviors have others who are willing to keep seeking them out, that they too soften in the light of compassion and connection. People in hard places tend to ask for what they need in ways that repel others. If we can just begin to see beyond those things and dig deeper, loving extravagantly, what could we find? Despite all the things that make it easy to run away, if we take time to teach hard lessons in appropriate ways, and the extra energy to facilitate the interactions, what could happen?
Christianity is not squeaky clean, it is messy. The Bible never depicts it will be easy or isolated from messes. I wonder who we will find that has been isolated in a "cave" like the man in Luke 8, that needed someone to come into their darkness and lead them back to the light. Isn't that a big part of what being a Christ follower is all about?
Jesus notices the isolated, tormented, uncontrollable, writhing people and he walks up to them unafraid on a mission to meet them where they are at, connect on a deep level and set them free to be who they are without the shadow of darkness. This is repeated in his life multiple times. He goes to the people deemed unworthy, unstable, corrupted, and living in dark places and touches them. Even those seen as unclean by disease he uses his hand to touch. These are extreme cases of Jesus going out of his way for those that others ran from, but it makes me wonder what are these situations for me in my life and my family's life where we need to step out of our comfort zone toward someone that needs to be noticed and cared for. How do we teach our children this? What does it look like in our lives today?
My daughter Evelyn had a situation where a kid on the playground would bully her when the teacher was not watching. I felt a conviction in my heart that anyone who is acting out has a deeper reason to why they are doing it and that it is our job to keep safe boundaries, but it is also our conviction and even call that we return kindness for offense and to forgive. I was in a situation of prayerfully considering how to make sure my daughter was protected, watch where my own emotions took me in wanting to overprotect her, but also how I wanted to teach her the valuable lesson:1 Peter 3:9: "Don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it." It turned out that this same child was getting a bad wrap among kids for how he had been treating other children and because of this, mothers were telling their children to stay away from that boy. I even heard one say to this little boy's face: "My mom says I should NOT play with you. You cannot play with me!" I understand the sentiment and my mama bear felt some of that, but I couldn't help feeling like this situation had more to it than met the eye.
I ended up talking to the teacher to make them aware of the situation, to be on guard, but I also let her know that I wanted Evelyn the chance to show this little boy kindness and that were were praying about it every night and thinking of ways to bless him, so to not overprotect her either. I had explained a little bit to Evelyn about what was going on in his home life that may have been causing him to lash out on the playground. I also explained how he may feel lonely and not sure how to make friends. We prayed every night for this little boy and I did not rush her into kindness, but I did ask her if she thought maybe she could do something nice for that boy and see how he responded. She told me that she had courage in her heart and that the next day she was going to do something super nice. She went up to him and gave him a hug and asked him to play a game with her. That was it, a small, simple act of connection. This is a hallmark type of ending in the fact that they did become sweet friends and he desperately needed someone who would seek him out, even when he was lashing out. That teacher was moved to tears as she saw Evelyn going out of her way to show kindness and she came up to me and cried saying: "This is exactly what he needed, you have no idea how much." There is always more than meets the eye.
One thing Logan and I have both felt strongly called to has been children who have experienced abuse and neglect and have been through trauma. I believe that the church as a whole has a part to play in this, but it looks different for everyone. There is no arguing that Jesus cares for these children, but there is a lot of argument about how to go about it all. The church celebrates fostering and adoption, but few go into the trenches and see what it really means. Christian families that go into this are seen as strong and even "holy", but going into this world means we face brokenness head on and it is not a Hallmark movie, not even close. If we are called to help those from hard places it means in the least, our kids will be around cuss words and behaviors that are abnormal to what is seen in a home without trauma. I have had to explain words not to say that they wouldn't have heard anywhere else and teach them lessons that go beyond our comfort bubble of the innocent Bloom house. It is important to maintain safety, but at the same time I have had to reconcile that having this calling means that I cannot bubble wrap my children and they will see and hear things that I would not have normally had them see or hear. We have run into this already, because I do keep us involved with children in foster care, even when we are not an open home. I have a call to my bio children and part of that is keeping them safe and I do work hard in making their childhood a place of innocence and safety, but also, I feel lead to teach them how to navigate being with others that come from different backgrounds and situations than them starting at an early age. There are no resources out there for parents to read about this that I have found. There are no seminars or small groups talking about it. It is in the Christian circles that I hear the advice to isolate most and it makes me wonder, what does this look like? How do I navigate this?
One thing that happens when my kids get around children from trauma is that they'll become a target of being lashed out at when a traumatized child has a trigger. Wether its a family event where they are missing their mom, or a toy they do not want to share, because of their lack of control and wanting to be able to control, my kids have been the target of anger. I am a very involved part of the process and do not just let it go unsupervised, but in this process my kids have learned SO much and have been able to begin to put themselves into other people's shoes. They have learned empathy and also I have seen them not let comments stick, because they can see behind the comment. I am trying to teach them how aggression is usually not personal and that the words that are said in strong negative emotions are not meant to be taken as truth. I remember a specific time that a kid was upset and turned it toward Samuel. "I hate you! I hate you!" came out of his mouth and my heart broke as I saw my sons eyes wide and mouth open in heartache. I spent time talking to him and hugging him and explaining how that child can't see his family right now and that he feels very sad, scared, and is jealous that you have your mom here with you right now. He doesn't really hate you, he did not really mean that. Samuel thoughtfully said: "I am not hated, he is my friend and he likes me. We play together all the time! I think he is sad and scared, mom." He went on to tell that little boy that he forgave him and wanted to be his friend still.
I did not make him, I want it to be his idea, but I am finding that if I nudge my kids in a direction of reconciliation and connection when they have been offended that they have desired to move in that direction when they see the situation through the other child's eyes. People tend to downplay what kids are capable of, but I have a strong sense that they are capable of much more than we realize. I want to be a good steward of being here as their safe haven, but I want to gently help them to grow beyond our comfort zone life to see others in need and show kindness in radical ways. In all of this, my relationship with my children grows deeper in connection as we process these emotions together on the level they can handle them. I believe we are given much, so that we can give much.
This is just musings about where my thoughts go lately. I still have a million questions about what it looks like to navigate all of this. I pray so much asking Jesus to lead me and show me the boundaries of where to step out of our comfort zones and where to build safe boundaries. My instinct is to keep my kids bubble wrapped and isolated from the darkness of this world, but the leading of my heart is to step out, but with gentle leading and safety of me there navigating it all with them and taking note if something is too much for them. I see kindness rise up from their soul, I see them desire to step out and connect when I take these "risks" to love the ones that are from hard places and bring my family into it. But we need to navigate it well and get more conversations that are open and honest to be able to navigate it.
Hard places mean hard behaviors many times, but what I have also seen is that when people with hard behaviors have others who are willing to keep seeking them out, that they too soften in the light of compassion and connection. People in hard places tend to ask for what they need in ways that repel others. If we can just begin to see beyond those things and dig deeper, loving extravagantly, what could we find? Despite all the things that make it easy to run away, if we take time to teach hard lessons in appropriate ways, and the extra energy to facilitate the interactions, what could happen?
Christianity is not squeaky clean, it is messy. The Bible never depicts it will be easy or isolated from messes. I wonder who we will find that has been isolated in a "cave" like the man in Luke 8, that needed someone to come into their darkness and lead them back to the light. Isn't that a big part of what being a Christ follower is all about?
Me after seeing the cliff from the Luke 8 story of the man living in the caves
The cliffside with caves in Israel where Jesus met the man
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