The Red Dress
My kids went to bed late tonight. After I had a three hour live online class that is usually in person, I had to tell my kids the sad news: "School will not be able to happen in person for the rest of the school year." Tears followed as they lamented their precious teachers that were hand picked by God to be exactly what they needed this year. I feel robbed losing them in person for the final part of this year.
This was a blog I started weeks ago and could not write past the grief and frustration in that moment. I know that there are losses much bigger than ours, but leaving for a pandemic takes a toll on everyone. Like a cat in a pillowcase, I spent the first part of being home fighting and squirming and just plain spastic.
We get amazon points every few weeks and I had been using them to build up my work attire and I bought a Maxi dress with short sleeves that was going to be so fun to wear! My hair color popped when I tried it on, the fit was perfect, I had shoes with bows on them I was going to wear. My closet is in front of my bed and sometimes I forget to close the doors and that red dress just stares at me. It is a little symbol of how different life is then expected right now, but also minute to other people's losses. But I am learning to not belittle my losses and frustrations and bring them to Jesus and a few close friends. I see it as a no comparison surveying of how I am hurting right now.
I love my family with all that is in me, I am grateful for Summer and count down, but even Summer will not be normal. A yoda of counseling said we are living in a worldwide traumatic event that doesn't have an end date and everyone has lost something. Jesus didn't say come to me all the happy, grateful, put together and healed people. He said come all the wear and heavy burdened... Well, that is me.
Taking on a caseload of clients since January feels like being a kindergartener...It is tiring and new! Like the kids after school falling asleep in their carseat is Molly Bloom. Why not throw in a pandemic unable to have co workers lift me up between sessions or the preciousness of sitting in the room with another beating heart in their pain. And kids in Play Therapy room feeling safe and showing their emotions and stories. I love how parents say "They've been waiting all week to see you!"One thought they were too cool for counseling but kept peeking in on his caregivers sessions and now wants his own and by golly he shall have it!
All of this has brought me to my face before the Lord in humility as I am truly a vessel of his spirit and I need to abide in him everyday and be honest about my own pain with him and trusted friends. I need to take care of myself and my family. I need to walk in quiet woods even if I see a snake. I crave worship and leaning on JESUS LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME! Many times I lean on me loving him but hes saying rest in me loving you and see what happens and I can tell already it is something beautiful and increasing my love for Him and the ones he adores.
Logan told me God has treasures for me in every season and I have been gathering them up. I will try to write a list that is encouraging about what he is doing in my life and heart. I am desperate for him and I shout it from the rooftops!!
This was a blog I started weeks ago and could not write past the grief and frustration in that moment. I know that there are losses much bigger than ours, but leaving for a pandemic takes a toll on everyone. Like a cat in a pillowcase, I spent the first part of being home fighting and squirming and just plain spastic.
We get amazon points every few weeks and I had been using them to build up my work attire and I bought a Maxi dress with short sleeves that was going to be so fun to wear! My hair color popped when I tried it on, the fit was perfect, I had shoes with bows on them I was going to wear. My closet is in front of my bed and sometimes I forget to close the doors and that red dress just stares at me. It is a little symbol of how different life is then expected right now, but also minute to other people's losses. But I am learning to not belittle my losses and frustrations and bring them to Jesus and a few close friends. I see it as a no comparison surveying of how I am hurting right now.
I love my family with all that is in me, I am grateful for Summer and count down, but even Summer will not be normal. A yoda of counseling said we are living in a worldwide traumatic event that doesn't have an end date and everyone has lost something. Jesus didn't say come to me all the happy, grateful, put together and healed people. He said come all the wear and heavy burdened... Well, that is me.
Taking on a caseload of clients since January feels like being a kindergartener...It is tiring and new! Like the kids after school falling asleep in their carseat is Molly Bloom. Why not throw in a pandemic unable to have co workers lift me up between sessions or the preciousness of sitting in the room with another beating heart in their pain. And kids in Play Therapy room feeling safe and showing their emotions and stories. I love how parents say "They've been waiting all week to see you!"One thought they were too cool for counseling but kept peeking in on his caregivers sessions and now wants his own and by golly he shall have it!
All of this has brought me to my face before the Lord in humility as I am truly a vessel of his spirit and I need to abide in him everyday and be honest about my own pain with him and trusted friends. I need to take care of myself and my family. I need to walk in quiet woods even if I see a snake. I crave worship and leaning on JESUS LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME! Many times I lean on me loving him but hes saying rest in me loving you and see what happens and I can tell already it is something beautiful and increasing my love for Him and the ones he adores.
Logan told me God has treasures for me in every season and I have been gathering them up. I will try to write a list that is encouraging about what he is doing in my life and heart. I am desperate for him and I shout it from the rooftops!!
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