It Has Been a While

 Hello Blog,

 It has been a while since writing for the sake of musing on my blog. I have drafts I kept from showing the world thinking about how writing is many times just for me. Now, reflection-wise, these past years have felt like nothing, but continual reflection and growth, prompted by institutions and books I have found on amazon. Mentors both worthwhile and worth learning what not to do from have been on the road along the way. I remember someone saying to me: "Watch other people make the mistakes for you. Learn from that so that when it is your turn to lead you will know what not to do." I have also been blessed with many that show me the right way! I feel like I am in a season of being planted in the fertile soil with the sun shining, just enough rain, and the chance to grow under all the right conditions. 

My job has been a Godsend landing where I feel safe and in a community that really has my back. My Masters felt like growing through concrete, but I had some professors that shaded me when I was scorched and watered my dry bones helping me become. "I never doubted once. I knew that once you got off the ground you would be a rocket!" One said to me the other day. The other: "You have and are going to do great things and there is no doubt in that. Keep being humbled to learn and you will continue to go far." I will never forget the people that were there for me when I was a bud in the concrete and they saw me. I hope we get to publish journal articles and present at conferences someday. I bet we will!

My doctorate and career have felt like the fertile soil, watered, abundant in the sunshine, but just enough shade. I am learning to rest and take care of myself on a new level as I was told: "You cannot neglect yourself anymore, or you will not make it through." The first video I got from Regent University. I am trying to overcome the feeling of only reading for learning or writing for a goal. Here there is no goal. I remember when writing was just an outlet for me and a place for an artist to let go and let whatever comes just be. 

NOTHING IS IN BLOOM ALL THE TIME. A consideration I take in daily. Growth takes many forms and seasons. It is not always the world that sees it. It is not always a success that marks the lesson. The getting back up, the learning, the adapting and growth...now that is a recipe for success. 

How strange to be in a Ph.D. program with a full-time career/ family and yet feel so free? I think how wildly supernatural it is to feel less overloaded than I had in seasons past. I used to live on fumes not knowing what it meant to take care of myself. 

My kids are in a sunset phase of childhood and it is like watching the ending into a new beginning as they grow and change every day. I keep thinking we are in the most fun stage, but if they continue to be the gift that keeps unfolding as we get to know them in their own growth stories. Being a mom starting at twenty-three meant we have grown a lot together. They are showing hilarity, tenderness of spirit, care for each other, and unique personalities that we continue to get to know. They are getting to know themselves. So am I about me! :) I heard an instructor of theirs say they have such kind hearts and they see the world through a different kind of glasses. And I said you mean rose colored unicorn glasses? I know those! It has not kept me from going to the messy and dark places in this world, but it sure has helped me keep hope alive. We do not always see clearly the bad around us, but we do see the good. And I am OK with being lopsided. This life is hard enough! 

I am so proud of Logan for pursuing what he is called to and that he's been more excited about what I am doing than I! I feel the same about him. Maybe we get more excited for each other because we don't actually have to do all the work it takes to live out the other person's calling!! ;) 

I love to get coffee and then walk slowly around parks. I have started to exercise every day, but only in ways that I find fun. I have felt the abundant grace of Jesus and the support of family and friends in an amount that will leave me forever grateful. 

Sometimes I ask my kids what I seem like lately to get an idea from their point of view. I ask them what they think about the changes in the past few years from me being full-time at home to now. They say they want to share their things to help kids in my office, so my many supplies that have encouraged children I have to give a big shout out to them! They have wanted to be a part. We all want to be a part of each other and chase God-sized dreams. There are no other souls in this world I would rather do that with than Logan, Samuel, and Evelyn. To God be the glory and goodwill toward fellow mankind! 

Here is to growth for all of us! Open doors, and grow where the conditions are just right in this season. And as parents, may we sit and take in the sunset timing of our children as they grow every day a little more than the day before. The year after next we will have two middle schoolers! And before anyone comments good luck... I hear you... but we are watching the sunset of childhood right now and it is a full-time business. 

Goodbye for now!

Molly