A Divine Encounter
Jeremiah 29:13 "You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart."-God
This morning, before the sun rose I found myself sitting in my driveway tears in my eyes, overwhelmed with joy, peace, and love saying "God, you are amazing! You are AMAZING! I love you, I love you..." It had been too long since I had sat in the silence of the morning in awe of Him. This week will go down in my spiritual history and relationship with God as a week of re-dedication, spiritual awakening, and saying YES by his grace to the invitation to go deeper in my relationship with Jesus. I am going to be vulnerable when I say I know that for the past couple of years I have been living on what I call "the fumes of grace". I let my busy life and stage get the best of me and I felt too "tired" to really take the extra time to seek God in His word daily and to really give the effort I needed to make to truly seek God with my WHOLE heart. I have been living half hearted in my relationship with Him. I was talking about God much more than I was talking TO God. I was living on my past encounters and Bible reading instead of seeking new encounters and revelation. Its like I had been eating cheetos when God had a steak dinner for me. (cheetos are yummy and can satisfy in a way, but nothing like a hearty steak!) By his grace he was still talking to me and helping me, but something huge was missing. I constantly felt a void and distance from God, yet wasn't willing to change what I was doing. I became complacent in my relationship with Him and I was REALLY missing out. This wake up call week started last Thursday night. It was 8:30 pm and both babies were asleep in their beds. I was home by myself and had been disappointed when a friend I was wanting to hang out with couldn't hang out with me anymore. I hated being alone, partly because it reminded me of the void I had been aching with deep down in my heart. The reality that my complacency had left cob webs on the most important relationship in my whole life, my relationship with God was heart breaking! I did not even have the desire to read my Bible, I just wanted to numb my mind with another comedy tv show or get some extra hours of shut eye. Philippians 2:13 "For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him." What pleases him is for me to LOVE him with ALL of my heart, soul, mind, strength... These verses came back to my mind and I said to God, "I'm so sorry, but i literally dont even have the desire to pursue you...I NEED you to give it to me! I need you to help me love you." I heard him say "I don't expect you to do this on your own, come to me and I will give you all that you need. I love you, precious one. I don't expect from you more than you can humanly give. I just need you to depend on me and I will help you." He did not condemn me for what some would think was a horrible prayer. He loved on me and he gave me that desire. I stopped and thought Lord, I am going to take this time and seek you instead of feeding my complacency. He gave me so much grace and immediately as I opened my Bible, the familiar chills and tears I get when I feel God's presence as close as my heartbeat overwhelmed me. I knew without a doubt He was there with me, blessing this time and loving the fact I was making an attempt, no matter how short and feeble it may have seemed. I opened my Bible and read about transformation and revelation that come through the alive and active word of God. Hebrews 4:12 "For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." I knew without a shadow of a doubt I needed to live my life studying His word daily in order for it to be alive in ME! Even if its just a verse a day, anything was better than nothing. I was overwhelmed by the familiarity of my Lord being there with me. A feeling of finally being HOME I had missed for so long. As I was experiencing this, all of a sudden I hear Samuel in his bed singing "Holy, Holy Lord God almighty" and I burst into tears thinking God you are here! I got him out of bed and we watched Praise baby and sang the worship songs. It was an incredible experience.:) Ever since that day I have been trying to memorize scripture, but something was still missing...until yesterday. My dear friend, Ariel, let me babysit her precious son while she went to the dr. She brought me lunch and we sat and talked about questions we had spiritually etc. about God. We talked about how our kids need to encounter Jesus for themselves for it to be made REAL. How purity for the sake of seeing God is how to not become a pharisee (purity for the sake of others seeing you) Matthew 5:8 "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." We talked about past experiences with God and I realized the times He has made himself known to me the most (other than a few completely out of grace experiences) are when I say "Lord, I am running after you with all that I am! I want to seek you WHOLE heartedly! He always, always, always shows up when my heart is in that place. In small ways and big ways, not everyday is a huge amazing spiritual high, but he does bless my wholehearted devotion. Jeremiah 29:13"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." 2 Chronicles 16:9 "For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him." Talking with Ariel gave me an AHA moment! A moment I finally admitted I am NOT fully commited to him. My heart is NOT wholehearted in my pursuit to know God and make him known. I still loved him of course, and was a priority in my life, but not THE priority of my life. When she left I told God "I want to give you my all, my everything! I want to seek you again with all that I am! I want to run hard after you! I want to be wholehearted again! Whatever it takes...I want to know you for who you are and not what others say you are!" Ever since I have been so filled with joy and have an extra skip in my step! I am full of love and LIFE! I am not afraid to be alone, in fact I cherish it, because He is so tangibly there. My love for the scripture has come alive again, I have a holy hunger for God, for righteousness, and for his word. I know this all comes from the Lord! He is blessing me and his word is proving true, as it always does! :))) Psalm 119:165 "Great peace have those who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble." I am at a place of desperation and I refuse to live in complaceny with my relationship with Jesus anymore. My crazy stage of life is no longer an excuse! "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose."-Jim Elliot For me, right now what I have to give is TIME. Time that I cannot keep anyway...and in which I will gain what I cannot lose. A vibrant, deep, wholehearted relationship with Jesus Christ. :)))) It is all by his grace that these things have happened. When I say to him I have no desire, he supernaturally gives it and then gives me the strength. I am going wholeheartedly after God with all that I am, all that I have, and everything I can give! Who's with me? ;)
This morning, before the sun rose I found myself sitting in my driveway tears in my eyes, overwhelmed with joy, peace, and love saying "God, you are amazing! You are AMAZING! I love you, I love you..." It had been too long since I had sat in the silence of the morning in awe of Him. This week will go down in my spiritual history and relationship with God as a week of re-dedication, spiritual awakening, and saying YES by his grace to the invitation to go deeper in my relationship with Jesus. I am going to be vulnerable when I say I know that for the past couple of years I have been living on what I call "the fumes of grace". I let my busy life and stage get the best of me and I felt too "tired" to really take the extra time to seek God in His word daily and to really give the effort I needed to make to truly seek God with my WHOLE heart. I have been living half hearted in my relationship with Him. I was talking about God much more than I was talking TO God. I was living on my past encounters and Bible reading instead of seeking new encounters and revelation. Its like I had been eating cheetos when God had a steak dinner for me. (cheetos are yummy and can satisfy in a way, but nothing like a hearty steak!) By his grace he was still talking to me and helping me, but something huge was missing. I constantly felt a void and distance from God, yet wasn't willing to change what I was doing. I became complacent in my relationship with Him and I was REALLY missing out. This wake up call week started last Thursday night. It was 8:30 pm and both babies were asleep in their beds. I was home by myself and had been disappointed when a friend I was wanting to hang out with couldn't hang out with me anymore. I hated being alone, partly because it reminded me of the void I had been aching with deep down in my heart. The reality that my complacency had left cob webs on the most important relationship in my whole life, my relationship with God was heart breaking! I did not even have the desire to read my Bible, I just wanted to numb my mind with another comedy tv show or get some extra hours of shut eye. Philippians 2:13 "For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him." What pleases him is for me to LOVE him with ALL of my heart, soul, mind, strength... These verses came back to my mind and I said to God, "I'm so sorry, but i literally dont even have the desire to pursue you...I NEED you to give it to me! I need you to help me love you." I heard him say "I don't expect you to do this on your own, come to me and I will give you all that you need. I love you, precious one. I don't expect from you more than you can humanly give. I just need you to depend on me and I will help you." He did not condemn me for what some would think was a horrible prayer. He loved on me and he gave me that desire. I stopped and thought Lord, I am going to take this time and seek you instead of feeding my complacency. He gave me so much grace and immediately as I opened my Bible, the familiar chills and tears I get when I feel God's presence as close as my heartbeat overwhelmed me. I knew without a doubt He was there with me, blessing this time and loving the fact I was making an attempt, no matter how short and feeble it may have seemed. I opened my Bible and read about transformation and revelation that come through the alive and active word of God. Hebrews 4:12 "For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." I knew without a shadow of a doubt I needed to live my life studying His word daily in order for it to be alive in ME! Even if its just a verse a day, anything was better than nothing. I was overwhelmed by the familiarity of my Lord being there with me. A feeling of finally being HOME I had missed for so long. As I was experiencing this, all of a sudden I hear Samuel in his bed singing "Holy, Holy Lord God almighty" and I burst into tears thinking God you are here! I got him out of bed and we watched Praise baby and sang the worship songs. It was an incredible experience.:) Ever since that day I have been trying to memorize scripture, but something was still missing...until yesterday. My dear friend, Ariel, let me babysit her precious son while she went to the dr. She brought me lunch and we sat and talked about questions we had spiritually etc. about God. We talked about how our kids need to encounter Jesus for themselves for it to be made REAL. How purity for the sake of seeing God is how to not become a pharisee (purity for the sake of others seeing you) Matthew 5:8 "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." We talked about past experiences with God and I realized the times He has made himself known to me the most (other than a few completely out of grace experiences) are when I say "Lord, I am running after you with all that I am! I want to seek you WHOLE heartedly! He always, always, always shows up when my heart is in that place. In small ways and big ways, not everyday is a huge amazing spiritual high, but he does bless my wholehearted devotion. Jeremiah 29:13"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." 2 Chronicles 16:9 "For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him." Talking with Ariel gave me an AHA moment! A moment I finally admitted I am NOT fully commited to him. My heart is NOT wholehearted in my pursuit to know God and make him known. I still loved him of course, and was a priority in my life, but not THE priority of my life. When she left I told God "I want to give you my all, my everything! I want to seek you again with all that I am! I want to run hard after you! I want to be wholehearted again! Whatever it takes...I want to know you for who you are and not what others say you are!" Ever since I have been so filled with joy and have an extra skip in my step! I am full of love and LIFE! I am not afraid to be alone, in fact I cherish it, because He is so tangibly there. My love for the scripture has come alive again, I have a holy hunger for God, for righteousness, and for his word. I know this all comes from the Lord! He is blessing me and his word is proving true, as it always does! :))) Psalm 119:165 "Great peace have those who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble." I am at a place of desperation and I refuse to live in complaceny with my relationship with Jesus anymore. My crazy stage of life is no longer an excuse! "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose."-Jim Elliot For me, right now what I have to give is TIME. Time that I cannot keep anyway...and in which I will gain what I cannot lose. A vibrant, deep, wholehearted relationship with Jesus Christ. :)))) It is all by his grace that these things have happened. When I say to him I have no desire, he supernaturally gives it and then gives me the strength. I am going wholeheartedly after God with all that I am, all that I have, and everything I can give! Who's with me? ;)
so good Molly!! so wonderful to hear how much God is doing, and I'm excited to see what continues because God is not stagnant! :)
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