The Whole Truth And Nothing, But The Truth
My last post I had just had an incredible encounter with God and a desire to live wholeheartedly once again. I had not turned from God, I had just become complacent and living off of old revelation and encounter with God. I was living on the fumes of grace as I called it.;) In this absolutely crazy season of life I had put my comfort before my pursuit of deeper relationship with Jesus. I went to dinner with my best friend, Meagan and told her all about what I experienced, but I also said I was scared, because it seems like everytime something amazing like this happens trials come up too.
**1 Peter 4:12-15 "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 13 But rejoice as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.
**John 16:33"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."**
No matter what, I still personally dread trials. I was afraid. I want my journey to be heard with the good, the bad, and the ugly, so that others reading this who may be experiencing the same things will not feel alone! Well, sure enough the next day I had a debilitating migraine and two babies that would not nap. Samuel has started having what I call "sensory episodes" where he all of a sudden gets terrified of his diaper and clothes and screams like he is in pain. So much so, that I took him to the doctor thinking he was hurt, but he was fine. It is really emotionally draining, because everything will seem just fine and all of a sudden he will say "OH NO! OH NO! Diaper! Diaper! Mommy help!!!" crying and crying, screaming and trying to tear off his clothes. Sometimes he is only upset with his long sleeves and tries to tear off his sleeves crying and screaming "OH NO, OH NO, OH NO!" It also puts fear in my heart that he may really be on the autistic spectrum as every evaluation therapist has mentioned. (although very high functioning) I think he may have sensory processing disorder, because he does well with relationships and laughs and socially interacts on a deep level, but he has the quirks and sensory issues that are a part of the very wide spectrum. We were on the highway when he had one of these moments and he wanted everything off and was terrified, but we could not do anything. He was buckled in and I was not willing to unbuckle him. It is like he thinks his clothes are eating him. It is very emotional for him and for me. ugh. I am going to talk to his Kids Source therapist tomorrow about all this and I am excited to do so. It has become an issue every morning diaper change this week and a major battle trying to get him to stop wearing shorts in the cold weather. This week I also got locked out of the house with my two babies INSIDE! My baby on the floor and Samuel running free. (luckily he is a very gentle toddler and has never hurt her, but still I dont trust toddlers around babies). I have had nightmares that Samuel has a tumor or cancer and that Evelyn is locked in a hotel room crying and there is no way to get in. In my weakness I have fought with the people closest to me. I have felt upset at God for not making it easier. I have watched tv in my tiredness instead of opening my Bible. I have thoroughly and completely failed at what I desired to do. As I was driving this morning to do prayer room hours at PrayNow, I heard a song that said: "Just a heart that is fully in love...Its what you wanted in the garden, its what you wanted on the cross beams, a heart that is fully in love!" And God brought to mind his greatest commandment: **Matthew 22:36-38 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment."** I felt his grace surround me and him say "Just love me, stop feeling guilty and just love me." This next week I am going to stop striving and worrying about how much scripture I need to memorize and just enjoy God. I want to just love him this week. I know there are seasons of study and work, but I feel him calling me to just focus on loving him and all the rest will fall into place. I will let you know how it goes.;)
Love from a depraved, but willing soul- Molly
**1 Peter 4:12-15 "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 13 But rejoice as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.
**John 16:33"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."**
No matter what, I still personally dread trials. I was afraid. I want my journey to be heard with the good, the bad, and the ugly, so that others reading this who may be experiencing the same things will not feel alone! Well, sure enough the next day I had a debilitating migraine and two babies that would not nap. Samuel has started having what I call "sensory episodes" where he all of a sudden gets terrified of his diaper and clothes and screams like he is in pain. So much so, that I took him to the doctor thinking he was hurt, but he was fine. It is really emotionally draining, because everything will seem just fine and all of a sudden he will say "OH NO! OH NO! Diaper! Diaper! Mommy help!!!" crying and crying, screaming and trying to tear off his clothes. Sometimes he is only upset with his long sleeves and tries to tear off his sleeves crying and screaming "OH NO, OH NO, OH NO!" It also puts fear in my heart that he may really be on the autistic spectrum as every evaluation therapist has mentioned. (although very high functioning) I think he may have sensory processing disorder, because he does well with relationships and laughs and socially interacts on a deep level, but he has the quirks and sensory issues that are a part of the very wide spectrum. We were on the highway when he had one of these moments and he wanted everything off and was terrified, but we could not do anything. He was buckled in and I was not willing to unbuckle him. It is like he thinks his clothes are eating him. It is very emotional for him and for me. ugh. I am going to talk to his Kids Source therapist tomorrow about all this and I am excited to do so. It has become an issue every morning diaper change this week and a major battle trying to get him to stop wearing shorts in the cold weather. This week I also got locked out of the house with my two babies INSIDE! My baby on the floor and Samuel running free. (luckily he is a very gentle toddler and has never hurt her, but still I dont trust toddlers around babies). I have had nightmares that Samuel has a tumor or cancer and that Evelyn is locked in a hotel room crying and there is no way to get in. In my weakness I have fought with the people closest to me. I have felt upset at God for not making it easier. I have watched tv in my tiredness instead of opening my Bible. I have thoroughly and completely failed at what I desired to do. As I was driving this morning to do prayer room hours at PrayNow, I heard a song that said: "Just a heart that is fully in love...Its what you wanted in the garden, its what you wanted on the cross beams, a heart that is fully in love!" And God brought to mind his greatest commandment: **Matthew 22:36-38 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment."** I felt his grace surround me and him say "Just love me, stop feeling guilty and just love me." This next week I am going to stop striving and worrying about how much scripture I need to memorize and just enjoy God. I want to just love him this week. I know there are seasons of study and work, but I feel him calling me to just focus on loving him and all the rest will fall into place. I will let you know how it goes.;)
Love from a depraved, but willing soul- Molly
Comments
Post a Comment