Our "Best" Is Not Enough
*I have had this post as a draft for a long time, but did not feel peace from God to post it yet. I needed to experience and learn a few more things before I finished and made it public. The story I talk about happened a couple of months ago. Hearing Hettie Lou speak this weekend put into words what I had been feeling in my heart, but was not sure how to say. I know how to say it now.:)*
I wanted to take Samuel to his favorite breakfast place and my mom said she would come with us. I had been up with Evelyn the night before and Samuel randomly woke up at 5:45, when he usually wakes up at 7:30. I was really tired and was looking forward to getting out and shaking off the horrible exhausted feeling that sometimes lingers if I stay at home. It had been a lot of days with no break and Samuel was in a season of being extra demanding and I felt at the end of my rope. There are times when toddlers need constant discipline before they realize they are not the ones in charge and it was a month of non stop tug a war of control. After one battle, there would be another right after. He is a born leader and leaders are hard to parent, because they already have ideas of how they want things run pretty much from birth.;) I was tired. Right when he learned one thing, there was another thing he had to learn and I wanted to be able to "check out" for a minute, but if I was lazy, then he would easily get the notion that I was no longer in control and remember it. (this past month and a half has been a LOT easier, because of all the battles the month before showing him he does not rule this house. Now we get to have more fun, because he knows the boundaries that he was testing and they are drawn out for him.) So anyway, we were going to breakfast and as soon as we sat down he started crying and screaming "go!". I just felt so tired, angry, and frustrated! The strong emotion of just feeling so angry and so done with dealing with this was overwhelming. This bossy phase had gotten to me in that moment and I just wanted him to stop being so difficult! I thought to myself I HAVE GIVEN IT MY BEST! GRRRR AND MY BEST WAS JUST NOT ENOUGH!!!!! I lost it with Samuel as I put him in the car and angrily closed the door. My mom said to me "Molly, I promise you, you will regret losing it like that with him when you are older." Her eyes welled up with tears and she said "It is because I have regrets that I know you will regret it. I wish someone could have given me a bigger perspective when I got to this point and helped me see outside of the moment of emotion. I'm only saying this, because I would have needed it to. Ask God to help you and give you strength when you don't have any left and He will give it to you." I cried in the car and started driving, because I needed time to pray with my babies strapped in a seat. I ended up driving to Pray Now and the song that says "I'm running to your arms, im running to your arms, the riches of your love will always be ENOUGH." was playing on the radio. I felt broken and at the end of myself. "I need you, God, I need you...every hour I need you." played next. But, how does a mom of babies even get to spend enough time with God to be at a good place? I used to read my Bible for hours, journal, and worship alone in my room, but now I do not have that sort of time. Not in this season...how do I seek the Lord and live by his power, NOW?!
Until yesterday, I did not have a very clear answer for that. Hettie Lou helped encourage me in how to never get to the place of "losing it" again. She said we have got to live in constant communication with Jesus and be crying out for the help of the Holy Spirit. Every sin happens, because we allow a door to open, even the very first little thought. I allowed myself to think "im tired, im frustrated, me, me, ME", when I should have been in such constant communion with the Holy Spirit that when the thought even came to me I could rebuke it and say "that is not God's thought for this situation, that is not my heart as a mother and I will not think that way! Lord, renew my mind to be like yours. (2 Corinthians 10:5 take every thought captive to obey Christ) We can't live in our emotion or how we are feeling. It does not matter if we are tired, God will make us tough to be the mother he called us to be!( Psalm 29:11 he LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.)If we allow ourselves to depend on Jesus and make the effort to seek him in the details of our day He will show up and when we ask him to help us to do this, he will give us the power to do so! (Philippians 2:13"For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.") It starts with a prayer that says "God, I need to be in constant communion with you. I need a sensitive heart to when I am wrong and need to repent. I need to renew my mind and depend on you. I need to not live by my emotion...please help." He does not expect us to do any of this on our own. What a loving and understanding God! (Numbers 14:18 "'The LORD is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression." "Let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” -Hebrews 4:16)
I have seen a lot of mom blogs that give pats on the back saying "It's ok, we are doing the best that we can..."But, I am saying my best is not enough. I can do the "best I can" until I am blue in the face and it still wont be enough. I need Jesus' power and strength to be the mother he meant for me to be. AND we as mothers need accountability from others who can give us a bigger perspective and not just pat us on the back and say "its ok, we all lose it sometimes." The fact is, it is not OK. That is not what God has for us or for our kids. Our kids need us to have accountability from others so that they can have an advocate outside the emotion of it all. God has a better way for us to live. He wants us to live according to the Holy Spirit instead of according to the flesh.
The difference between the flesh and the spirit is apparent:
-Galations 5:16-26 "6 live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17 For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law. 19 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, FITS OF RAGE, selfish ambition, dissensions, and envy; drunkenness, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
Hettie gave some pointers on how to be equipped as a parent who lives to honor God and lead their children in Christ that I want to conclude with:
1. We need to be in constant place of prayer, repentance and humility. We need to also make daily Bible study a priority.
2. We need to read the word of God, be inspired by it, allow the Holy Spirit and ask him to impart it in our lives, and get our motivation from that. We need to live by the authority of God's word.
3. We need to live out and practice our faith in every detail of our lives.
4.Enjoy the gift that your kids are! Have fun with them and delight in spending time with them. Laugh a lot! Have a joyful home.
5. When we correct and discipline, practice quick forgiveness and restoration. Move on quickly and do not make them live in shame.
6. Be willing to allow your child to be uncomfortable for the sake of correction. If you say "I love them too much to see them cry" You are really loving yourself more than you love them, because you don't want to suffer the pain of them being upset or mad at you. We love our children by teaching them to do what is right and correcting them. If they have a small season of discomfort that will cause them to live and have a better life, it is so much better than allowing them to be comfortable now and ruining their life later. The Lord does this with us as his children as well. He is an example of a perfect Father.(Heb 12:6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves)
7. Pray daily blessings over your children and encouraged them in who God created them to be. Remind them of what God thinks of them every single day.
8.Teach your children to be thankful and to be givers- do this by practicing gratefulness yourself and not being focused on what you don't have. Be generous yourself and show them what it is to be a giver.
9. Show them what a godly marriage is and what it means to really love
10. Live your life by God's standards. Do not be a gossip, it will lose your credibility in your child's eyes. Also, teach them to be happy for others and to not be jealous. We need to live all of these things out, because children mimic what they see. Demonstrate how much you love them and ultimately how much God loves them! Every single day is another day to show them how much God loves them and how valuable and PRECIOUS they are.
(there were a lot of other things, but those stuck out to me the most yesterday:)
Romans 8:5-11
5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. 7 For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. 8 Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
9 You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. 10 But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus[d] from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.
Lord, help me to live by the power of your Holy Spirit every moment of every day. I resolve to never "lose it" again. I know I cannot do it without you.
I wanted to take Samuel to his favorite breakfast place and my mom said she would come with us. I had been up with Evelyn the night before and Samuel randomly woke up at 5:45, when he usually wakes up at 7:30. I was really tired and was looking forward to getting out and shaking off the horrible exhausted feeling that sometimes lingers if I stay at home. It had been a lot of days with no break and Samuel was in a season of being extra demanding and I felt at the end of my rope. There are times when toddlers need constant discipline before they realize they are not the ones in charge and it was a month of non stop tug a war of control. After one battle, there would be another right after. He is a born leader and leaders are hard to parent, because they already have ideas of how they want things run pretty much from birth.;) I was tired. Right when he learned one thing, there was another thing he had to learn and I wanted to be able to "check out" for a minute, but if I was lazy, then he would easily get the notion that I was no longer in control and remember it. (this past month and a half has been a LOT easier, because of all the battles the month before showing him he does not rule this house. Now we get to have more fun, because he knows the boundaries that he was testing and they are drawn out for him.) So anyway, we were going to breakfast and as soon as we sat down he started crying and screaming "go!". I just felt so tired, angry, and frustrated! The strong emotion of just feeling so angry and so done with dealing with this was overwhelming. This bossy phase had gotten to me in that moment and I just wanted him to stop being so difficult! I thought to myself I HAVE GIVEN IT MY BEST! GRRRR AND MY BEST WAS JUST NOT ENOUGH!!!!! I lost it with Samuel as I put him in the car and angrily closed the door. My mom said to me "Molly, I promise you, you will regret losing it like that with him when you are older." Her eyes welled up with tears and she said "It is because I have regrets that I know you will regret it. I wish someone could have given me a bigger perspective when I got to this point and helped me see outside of the moment of emotion. I'm only saying this, because I would have needed it to. Ask God to help you and give you strength when you don't have any left and He will give it to you." I cried in the car and started driving, because I needed time to pray with my babies strapped in a seat. I ended up driving to Pray Now and the song that says "I'm running to your arms, im running to your arms, the riches of your love will always be ENOUGH." was playing on the radio. I felt broken and at the end of myself. "I need you, God, I need you...every hour I need you." played next. But, how does a mom of babies even get to spend enough time with God to be at a good place? I used to read my Bible for hours, journal, and worship alone in my room, but now I do not have that sort of time. Not in this season...how do I seek the Lord and live by his power, NOW?!
Until yesterday, I did not have a very clear answer for that. Hettie Lou helped encourage me in how to never get to the place of "losing it" again. She said we have got to live in constant communication with Jesus and be crying out for the help of the Holy Spirit. Every sin happens, because we allow a door to open, even the very first little thought. I allowed myself to think "im tired, im frustrated, me, me, ME", when I should have been in such constant communion with the Holy Spirit that when the thought even came to me I could rebuke it and say "that is not God's thought for this situation, that is not my heart as a mother and I will not think that way! Lord, renew my mind to be like yours. (2 Corinthians 10:5 take every thought captive to obey Christ) We can't live in our emotion or how we are feeling. It does not matter if we are tired, God will make us tough to be the mother he called us to be!( Psalm 29:11 he LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.)If we allow ourselves to depend on Jesus and make the effort to seek him in the details of our day He will show up and when we ask him to help us to do this, he will give us the power to do so! (Philippians 2:13"For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.") It starts with a prayer that says "God, I need to be in constant communion with you. I need a sensitive heart to when I am wrong and need to repent. I need to renew my mind and depend on you. I need to not live by my emotion...please help." He does not expect us to do any of this on our own. What a loving and understanding God! (Numbers 14:18 "'The LORD is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression." "Let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” -Hebrews 4:16)
I have seen a lot of mom blogs that give pats on the back saying "It's ok, we are doing the best that we can..."But, I am saying my best is not enough. I can do the "best I can" until I am blue in the face and it still wont be enough. I need Jesus' power and strength to be the mother he meant for me to be. AND we as mothers need accountability from others who can give us a bigger perspective and not just pat us on the back and say "its ok, we all lose it sometimes." The fact is, it is not OK. That is not what God has for us or for our kids. Our kids need us to have accountability from others so that they can have an advocate outside the emotion of it all. God has a better way for us to live. He wants us to live according to the Holy Spirit instead of according to the flesh.
The difference between the flesh and the spirit is apparent:
-Galations 5:16-26 "6 live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17 For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law. 19 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, FITS OF RAGE, selfish ambition, dissensions, and envy; drunkenness, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
Hettie gave some pointers on how to be equipped as a parent who lives to honor God and lead their children in Christ that I want to conclude with:
1. We need to be in constant place of prayer, repentance and humility. We need to also make daily Bible study a priority.
2. We need to read the word of God, be inspired by it, allow the Holy Spirit and ask him to impart it in our lives, and get our motivation from that. We need to live by the authority of God's word.
3. We need to live out and practice our faith in every detail of our lives.
4.Enjoy the gift that your kids are! Have fun with them and delight in spending time with them. Laugh a lot! Have a joyful home.
5. When we correct and discipline, practice quick forgiveness and restoration. Move on quickly and do not make them live in shame.
6. Be willing to allow your child to be uncomfortable for the sake of correction. If you say "I love them too much to see them cry" You are really loving yourself more than you love them, because you don't want to suffer the pain of them being upset or mad at you. We love our children by teaching them to do what is right and correcting them. If they have a small season of discomfort that will cause them to live and have a better life, it is so much better than allowing them to be comfortable now and ruining their life later. The Lord does this with us as his children as well. He is an example of a perfect Father.(Heb 12:6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves)
7. Pray daily blessings over your children and encouraged them in who God created them to be. Remind them of what God thinks of them every single day.
8.Teach your children to be thankful and to be givers- do this by practicing gratefulness yourself and not being focused on what you don't have. Be generous yourself and show them what it is to be a giver.
9. Show them what a godly marriage is and what it means to really love
10. Live your life by God's standards. Do not be a gossip, it will lose your credibility in your child's eyes. Also, teach them to be happy for others and to not be jealous. We need to live all of these things out, because children mimic what they see. Demonstrate how much you love them and ultimately how much God loves them! Every single day is another day to show them how much God loves them and how valuable and PRECIOUS they are.
(there were a lot of other things, but those stuck out to me the most yesterday:)
Romans 8:5-11
5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. 7 For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. 8 Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
9 You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. 10 But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus[d] from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.
Lord, help me to live by the power of your Holy Spirit every moment of every day. I resolve to never "lose it" again. I know I cannot do it without you.
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