Looking Back 2017

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The new year is always a really reflective time for me. I am a written processor, I love to write and see lessons I have learned become tangible on a page. I start looking back on a year and am reminded that life is ever changing and a lot can happen in a year's time. Sometimes what happens is noticeable to everyone around with announcements and major life changes, but a lot that happens is unseen and inside the heart.

2016 was a year of a lot of family dynamic change for us that was noticeable to everyone. There was a job change, foster daughter home to relatives, an adoptee son for two months, and then the adoption falling through. Unlike the public changes of 2016, 2017 was an inner journey of the heart that brought me to a place of healing after loss, joy after sadness, and peace after wondering and wishing. I am so thankful for the miracles God did in my heart this year. He truly healed me from my grief of missing our foster daughter and son we were so close to adopting, but didn’t get to.He gave me peace and gave us a really special year with the kids with no babies in the house for once. It was such a fun and growing year in our marriage. Logan’s calling and job had doors open like crazy! I am still standing even after I thought I’d be too sad when Samuel was at school all day.;) It has been hard to be away, but he is thriving! I am thankful for that. Dreams I thought were lost resurfaced and ignited with new hope. One particular I think will probably happen this year.;) I spent time pursing my passions, working a little bit, and just sitting in coffee shops reading. I’ve soaked up my time with Evelyn in her last year before Kindergarten and rushed to get Samuel so that we don’t lose any time during the day. Overall, it’s been a really precious year.

This year also brought hurt from unexpected places. I am ending 2017 with God showing me to let go of hurt so that I won’t become bitter, to forgive, to comfort, to clothe myself in compassion, to grow in love and prayer. Not nurse anger, not nurse hurt. To ask forgiveness and make what I can right, but to let go of what I cannot control. God’s plan for me is to be radiant with joy in his love and to be healed time and time again when hurt comes in, so that I can keep loving by the power of Jesus. His plan for me is perfect peace when my mind is fixed on him. At the end of the day it’s about me and God. I’ll stand at the end beside him and all else will fade in comparison. His relationship, being right with him, having no walls between us, that is what God wants for me. The enemy wants me angry, unable to rest. God wants me free, to let go, to trust. I can feel that God is working for my good. I see that in all of it, the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful that he is bringing me closer to himself. His love for me never fails. His plans are alive, well, and continuing on, strong as ever!

My prayer tonight for myself and anyone reading this is that we would truly know in the deepest part of our hearts that God delights in us, He wants us, He enjoys us. I pray we believe that and that we walk in it. I pray that our lives would be lived through the lens of being radically and unconditionally loved right where we are. Now that makes for a very happy new year!!!

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