Jesus

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As I was trying to think of a title for this I felt too overwhelmed to be able to make one up, so I used Beth Moore's advice to speak the name of Jesus. Jesus. What a sweet sound...the sound of my savior, comforter, strength, joy, protector, provider, and well, everything that sustains me! My light and my salvation, the one who will never forsake me and will help me through any situation. I had another horror filled sick to my stomach day that made me feel like id rather be anyone but me when I feel so overwhelmingly in pain and agony. It seriously brought me once again to the end of my rope physically and emotionally with this pregnancy. I hear women say their baby moving is the most precious feeling in the world, but for me it is what causes me to regurgitate even water! I have a super short torso that on the ultrasound showed Samuel was using my actual stomach as a push toy with his big 3 inch feet. I feel sorry for him, he is probably wishing for more space. :) I of course treasure his life and movements, but I am just SO ready for this pregnancy to be over!!! I have like a hundred foods I never want to eat again. I literally feel emotionally and physically spent after being sick since Thanksgiving 2010. I see the finish line, for at least my nausea, but its the beginning of a lot of other things that today I just don't feel like I have the strength for. Jesus.I am so grateful for Jesus. I know he will give me strength for labor, delivery, and the huge, but incredible task of motherhood. I will need it! The reality is setting in that my mom wont be able to be in the same town with me in a few weeks with my baby and that makes me really sad and nervous.She always seems to know exactly what to do and can come to the rescue at any time of day. Our neighbor once called her over in desperation saying "My baby hasn't stopped crying all day I don't know what to do!" and mom went over and she got the baby to go to sleep! It was amazing! I've never taken care of a baby less than six weeks old and I never dreamed I would be in another city. The task seems really scary, but amazing all at once and I just find myself saying the name of Jesus over and over again. Thankfully with him there is never an "end" of the rope, even when I am at the end of mine. I have to completely depend on him. Jesus...such joy and trial are coming all at once. I need Him desperately. Jesus.

Comments

  1. TallyJuly 30, 2011 at 8:47 PM

    Molly, I totally can relate to the feeling of nervousness and excitement of waiting for your sweet son to be here. I wanted to encourage you with this, take it one day at a time. Even though you might not think that you know what to do in every situation, it comes to you most of the time! :) and if not, ask a fellow mom! I have yet to meet a mom who is unwilling to share their experiences with someone who asks what they could do. :) If you ever need ANYTHING just let me know! Tallymj@gmail.com. I know that you will be a great mom, especially since you are already resting in Jesus! Blessings! -tally

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  2. carolineAugust 4, 2011 at 6:47 AM

    Molly I love you very much and I love Samuel very much; and I know one day far, far from now there will be a time where you look back on this and laugh. Maybe not belly laugh but giggle about that time you were pregnant with your precious son and how he made you hate food. ;)

    Jesus will give you strength to be a mom. You were made to do this. God will not give up on something he's already begun.

    You're heart is a blessing to me.

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