Motherhood:)

Today is Samuel's two month birthday! And how fast time has gone...I hope life slows down even a little, because I already miss these days and they are still here. ;) I am beyond amazed that God chose me to be Samuel's mom. God loves him even more than I do and he chose me to be the one to care for him on this earth, how amazing and sobering that is. He chose me to spend the long night hours with him when he can't sleep, to take care of him when he is sick, to be the one he looks for when he's sleepy, hungry or just needs comfort, to change all those diapers, clean up his baby messes, and wipe his tears. He chose me to be the one he smiles with, plays with, and discovers life with for the first time. He chose me to show him how to enjoy life, enjoy God, and enjoy people. He chose me to discipline and love him in the Lord, to raise him up into the man God wants him to be, to teach him about the Lord, and do all that I can to show him Jesus every single day in every single moment. I need the Holy Sprit to give me strength and guidance at all times! I need the Lord like I need oxygen if I have any chance to be the mom I was meant to be for Samuel. He is so important to God with incredible purpose and destiny in the Lord. I don't want to hurt that in any way, but help it come to pass. I want to call him forth to greatness and into the will of God for his life. These song lyrics come to my mind a lot throughout the day:

Oh Jesus, I need you now more than ever before

Oh Jesus, I need your love and I'm desperate for more

When I feel your presence all around me...

When I feel your arms as they surround me...

I cannot hide my love! I cannot hide my love! My feet will have to dance!

I cannot hide my love! I cannot hide my love! My heart will have to sing!

When God gives me a child I cannot take it lightly. It is a calling to be a mother and I can't get tired or frustrated or forget the importance. I can never stop praying, become bitter, or let my heart drift from Jesus. Samuel is an eternal soul! He is the apple of God's eye, a beloved child to Abba, a vessel to be used by God, and to have a relationship with him eternally. He was made to love God and to be loved by God! I have to point him to his purpose daily, starting from day one. I have to speak blessing instead of curses and tell him always what the Lord thinks of him. Help me Lord...

Recently I have been trying to apologize to Samuel when I have done something wrong. If i get frustrated, gossip, allow bitterness to invade my life etc. I apologize to him if it was in front of him, because I feel like 1. even though he is a baby, he is as much a human being deserving respect as the president. He is a soul equal in the eyes of God as anyone. 2. I want him to know when my actions are not showing him who God is, but showing my personal humanity. I was a child not long ago and I remember how much it meant to me when my parents apologized. I think its a way of showing humility in the midst of wrongdoing.

I also have been telling Samuel when God has used him in my life to teach me a lesson. He is a perfect example of what our dependence on the Lord should look like and how we should trust him. He depends on me for everything, he is my little Kangaroo baby who loves to be in his Moby Wrap and never leave my side. He knows he cannot make it on his own so he looks to me. He also looks beyond his physical needs and looks to me for his comfort and love. He gets a feeling of complete satisfaction when he uses me as his refuge. This is exactly how we should be with God. :) He trusts me to take care of him and trusts me to love him well. I see it in his eyes everyday. I want God to see that in my eyes everyday...

Please pray for me in these things, I need as much prayer as I can get!

Thank you Lord for giving me this chance to show your love every day in a special way called motherhood!