The Waiting Room

              I'm at a really unusual place in life. I am in a waiting room that one phone call will change. We are officially an open foster/adoptive home! This excites me, but also pains me, because the realization that something bad has to happen between now and having another child in our home to love on is the reality of this situation. I don't know what our story will look like. I wonder if we will be one of those homes that has many children come through, or if adoption will happen soon or in the distant future. I do know I am called to this, with all my heart I know I am called to this. What "this" is, I don't know tonight. My "this" is actually a person, a soul, a child who deserves to have their needs met and to be loved unconditionally. Their parents are real people who did not choose adoption at birth, who are in dark places in their life right now, needing hope, help and a fresh start. I wonder what the child God has for us to love on is doing tonight, if they are even born yet, and if they are ok right now. It leaves me in a place of prayer and trust in a way that I have never had to be before.
                 We got our first call on Halloween. A true nightmare is a family being broken apart. Anything I write will be vague, for privacy reasons. It was an unusual afternoon, waiting to hear back if we would have a baby by evening and finding out they had another place to go. I believe with all my heart that God is in control of all of this and I am thankful for his moving in the placements of foster parents with foster children. That baby wasn't my call, but someone is.
                On Sunday, our pastor talked about the feeling of being overwhelmed in life and asked the audience if they felt overwhelmed. I honestly thought I want to feel more overwhelmed than I do today, because my heart has an empty spot God put there to take care of another child. I'm sure I'll be thinking I was crazy for wishing for more that Sunday, just like before my babies were born I didn't sleep at night. I couldn't help not sleeping at night, though! I felt them kicking and I had anticipation for my heart to grow double in size soon and it always did. The things that are hardest in life have been the most precious to me. No matter how tired and frustrated I may get, taking care of the souls in my care has been my biggest blessing and honor. I'm ready for the miracle of my heart growing again, and for the miracles I know God will have to do to comfort me in the "goodbyes" if and when it s time. I am ready to see grace on a new level in my life and to live the promise that God comforts us, so that we can comfort others.

               For now, until my phone rings with the little one meant for us, I sit in a waiting room. I feel God's grace undeserved as I look on my life and all the things that have brought me to this place. I am thankful for my snuggled in babies that God has already given to me and a serious feeling that even they are truly in His hands and I don't know how many days I will have to love on them. I want to live wholeheartedly for today and all God wants me to do and experience for Him and with Him. I have felt so called to foster, but today our house has an empty room. Today I am called to love who is already here. I pray for the grace and strength to do God's will to the fullest extent no matter the cost today and everyday.

Goodnight to the little one who will be sleeping in our empty room, may my prayers tuck you in tonight. You are loved.